| Day SIXTY. |
[Jan. 23rd, 2008|01:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Work | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Yipee! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bowie | ] |
I haven't had a cigarette in SIXTY DAYS.
Yay, me. |
|
|
| ...And two weeks later... |
[Aug. 21st, 2007|11:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my bed. | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Billy Joel. | ] |
EVERYTHING is screwed up between us.
We messed up, I think.
Who knows, though?
All I've done is text with her. I need to actually talk to her.
It's hard to read people's feelings when you're just reading it, you know. We need to talk.
Ugh. I'm so upset about this.
If we have messed up our friendship, I will never forgive myself. No sex, no matter how incredibly good, is worth ruining the friendship of a lifetime.
=(
Man, it was SO GOOD, though.
Grr. |
|
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| Last night, other nights and sex. |
[Aug. 5th, 2007|06:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | big smiley face | ] |
| [ | music |
| | St Elmo's Fire. | ] |
Had a wicked huge party last night. It was sweet.
There's only a little bit of the vegetarian sandwich left, which I have been munching on today. There's still lots of cake and keg beer left, I am actually having a beer right now. Don't want to waste it, you know.
I debuted a few new songs last night, Bohemian Rhapsody and a few others. People liked them.
Most of the taco stuff is gone, and what's left, I think I will have for lunch tomorrow.
A few people came who I didn't think would, so that made me happy. Some people never showed who I really wish would have, so that made me bummed.
Everything is all good in the end, though, because everyone at the party got leied at least once (Hawaiian leis) and then after everyone left, someone came back over to give me a real lay.
I first developed a crush on her when I was about seventeen. I told her how I felt once and we went out on a few dates, but nothing ever really got serious. My crush kind of fizzled out over the years. Then I liked her again. Then it fizzled. Then I liked her. Then it fizzled. Then she started to like me, but I had a girlfriend. Then I broke up with that girl. Then I liked her again, but she had a boyfriend. All this time we have managed to stay very, very good friends. She's been one of my best friends for a long, long time.
It's been a bizarre "love me" relationship, but our friendship has always remained strong. There have been times when we've gotten a little heavy in the sack, but have never actually gone all the way... Until last night. And being one hundred percent honest, I have never had better sex in my life.
Sex is weird. When I first started having sex, I didn't even really like it that much. I was going, "is this what everyone has been saying is so great? It's boring and messy and blah and I hate it." Of course, I think it's because I had one of the world's lousiest partners. No, really. I know everyone has heard a girl say how they hate it when a guy just lies there doing nothing, but there are girls out there who do that, too.
So, after a few more partners, it got better and I gained *ahem* experience. There is still a girl or two that I could have gone without doing it with... Ugh, there's this one-night-stand who comes to mind. God, what was I thinking? Oh, yeah, I was really, really drunk.
I've only had two one-night stands in my life. One sucked, and one was in the back of a Jetta with a 42-year-old woman. I was 20 at the time. Why am I telling you all this? It's significant, I suppose.
I dated a girl once for like three or four weeks. This is when sex started to get really good. They say that once you go black you never go back, but then we broke up DURING sex. I didn't have sex for awhile after that, mostly because I was simple unlucky, but one night that good friend and I got heavy after a party. Then I realized how much I missed it. We didn't go all the way that night, as I mentioned before, but I knew our friendship wouldn't be the same after that. I was wrong.
It was the same. And I couldn't have been happier. Since then, our brief but sensual romantics have happened here and there, never messing up what an amazing friendship we had.
Last year I met an amazing girl, who I thought I might spend the rest of my life with. It turned out to be the greatest summer of my life, but after three months of an intensley romantic relationship, not to mention outstanding sex, she got tired of me, and I found myself alone again wondering if that right one was ever going to come along.
Until last night, I hadn't had sex since summer of 2006 girl, who did, in fact, change my life, but not in the way I wanted. We only dated for three months, but I still found myself missing her like ten months later, as she was my first love.
Even after I told myself that I was "over her," I still found myself thinking of her way too often.
Last month after a party, the good friend and I again got heavy in bed, but not going all the way. We probably would have, but Aunt Flow was in town, if you know what I mean.
Since that night, we've talked about finally hooking up for real, whether it were a booty call, friends with benefits, or something that could evolve into the world's most incredible relationship.
Last night, as the last few guests were leaving, she texts me, "Im comin over 2nite." I knew what this meant, and I was happy about it. I texted back a few words of agreement, which was something like, "You wanna chill tonight? Awesome!" I casually encouraged my final guests to get the hell out, and continued to text with her until they finally did.
When they left I did that flight of the bumblebee clean up, and actually did quite well. She called, just as I was finishing up.
"What are you doin'?"
"Wiping off the stove."
"Shut up. Are you really?"
"Yeah, it's wicked dirty."
"Well, I was gonna come over, if that's cool."
"Yeah, that's definitely cool."
"Is everyone gone?"
"Yeah, the last few just left."
"Mmkay. Well, I can be there in like fifteen."
"Okay, see you in a little bit."
Little did I know, this was the forty second long conversation that would change my life... Or at least my night and day today.
When she got here we chilled for awhile just talking and stuff, and she finally said that she was tired and wanted to go to "sleep."
We hit the sack and actually just cuddled for awhile, as I really was exhausted and didn't know if anything was even going to happen. But it did.
That is all the detail I will go into... I think it's enough. It DID finally happen, though, and I am glad we went through with it. Not only because it was the best I'd ever had, but because we BOTH have been waiting for so long, as well as EVERY ONE ELSE in our little clique, who always says, "when the hell are you guys gonna do it, already?"
It's done and I'm happy about it. No, ecstatic. Neither of us know what is going to happen next, but I DO know that we will always be great friends.
Colin, since you were the only one who came that might read this, thanks for coming. Huey Lewis rules. |
|
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| Maximum warp, Wharf. |
[May. 30th, 2007|12:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  wtf | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Three Dog Night | ] |
I hate to be one of those guys, but sometimes I just sit around wondering what it is that's going to happen in my life if I continue to live the way I currently am.
So many of the things I want, I do nothing to persue.
I want to be in movies.
I want to get buff.
I want to eat right.
I want to write more music.
I want a girl.
I want to save money.
I want to work with kids again.
I want a new coffeetable.
I want to quit smoking.
I want to get out more.
I want to see my friends more often.
I want to finish my screenplay.
I want a clean closet.
I want no enemies.
I want to travel.
All or most of these things are possible, but not without effort from ME. I'm not doing much to make an attempt on these things. I'm living for today.
Rather than working out, or trying to patch things up with people, or going to school, or saving money, or sitting at the computer and writing, I end up sitting around pondering stupid shit like how to get more of a skin-like texture for my body parts or why there isn't more Night Court on Dvd.
I sadly don't see this changing very soon, either.
I'm just a stubborn, lazy bum. I need motivation. Maybe I'll buy some dumbells to get started.
This post makes me sound depressed, but I'm not. I'm very happy! I know I could be happier, though, especially minus this beer belly, some money to fall back on and with a girlfriend who asks how my day was. I'm just kind of in a wtf mood, and needed to vent a little.
Anyone else ever do that? Am I alone? |
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| Ten MORE Things I Hate About You. |
[May. 29th, 2007|11:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Stevie Wonder | ] |
This became wicked popular on myspace, so I feel the need to do it again.
You're supposed to say ten things that you would say to ten different people that you would never say to their faces. It's fun. Anyone who reads this is tagged to do it themselves.
1.) Are you really that busy, or are you just saying that to avoid me? When you never call or write back, it really hurts my feelings. If you don't like me anymore, just tell me.
2.) You're not as funny as you think. It fact, a lot of times, you're just really annoying.
3.) We both know I caught you. You should be aware that I can still tattle if I want.
4.) I really, really miss you. Are you ever gonna realize how bad you hurt me?
5.) I think you should let it go. You might think you have good standing, but everyone agrees that it's bullshit.
6.) You really hurt her, and it's because you're a puss. Why try when you know it won't work?! If I was I fighter, I'd sock you for hurting her so badly.
7.) No. Sorry.
8.) You're my current big crush. (To everyone reading this, no, it's not who you think. No, really. You have NO idea.)
9.) Call him. He misses you. We all do, and we all love you.
10.) I always appreciated your kindness. You were always so nice, buying me burritos and stuff... But why couldn't you have warned me? I know you knew. We were better friends than you realize.
(I'm doing more, 'cause I have more.)
11.) I really want to ask you out, 'cause seeing you as much as I do and not getting sick of you proves that I really do like you, you know, in that way. We'd have fun.
12.) You're gay. Come out.
13.) If it weren't for him, we probably would have hooked up by now, don't ya think? Like that one Halloween...
14.) If you want help, fucking ask. I hate those little hints that you drop. They're more annoying than just asking.
15.) So, how about that "morning after" breakfast you owe me? Except for a morning after, there's got to be another "night before."
16.) Don't take the bitterness personally. I don't.
17.) Literally insane girls are kind of a turn-off. Yeah, I did some wacky things back then, but it was all because of you and your freaky ass shit.
18.) Just because I had a crush on you at one small moment in time doesn't make you better than me... Or anyone for that matter.
19.) Now who's the one not letting things go???
20.) I am pretty sure you both regret it, but I don't. It was an experience I will never forget. Ever. |
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| Sometimes you have to fire your friends. |
[May. 15th, 2007|10:17 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | enya | ] |
I kicked Nick out yesterday.
It was hard but I had to do it.
I didn't even call him because I knew he wouldn't answer his phone like always, so I sent him a text message. It said something like "Please have all your shit gone by the time I get home from work and find somewhere else to stay." That was all I said.
I didn't even give him a reason. One, he should know the reasons why I'm upset and two, I don't need to give him a reason. It's my house.
For those who aren't aware, my house is NOT a hotel. If he would have been paying me rent or something, that would be different. But, no, he was just staying there. I let him. It was my call. If he had been paying rent, I wouldn't have cared that he hardly ever came home or called when he didn't plan on showing up, or that he would stumble in after midnight. But he wasn't paying. He was pretty much just storing a bunch of his shit at my place and sleeping there if he got tired. That's how it seemed, anyway. Not cool with me. At all.
Later, dude. You got somewhere else you've been sleeping? Stay there then. Don't make me wonder where the hell you are and if you're going to even show up tonight. Don't make me wonder if the girl you're probably bangin' is being followed by her crazy ex who decided to fuck with you guys and shank you or something. What the hell else am I supposed to think??? You don't answer your fuckin' phone.
I mean, if he called it would be one thing... but when he just doesn't show up, and then calls in sick to work the next day, I'm gonna be wondering about him. Nicki's gonna be wondering about him. Hella people at work are gonna be wondering about him, too. Dude! Don't tell me the girl that you're supposedly not sleeping with has a psycho ex that follows you around and will stop at nothing to get his woman back even though she'll never have him. He's probably followed you to MY house now and now Mr. Wacky knows where I live. How do I know he's not gonna fuck with me now?
I talked to his mom, Susie on the phone for a long time last night. I told her all the fucked up shit that he's been doing to me and Nicki. She's just as lost as we are. Something happened to Nick, and he's not the same as he used to be. What the hell happened to him???
Step into my office... 'cause you're fuckin' fired.
Anyway, when I got home, I watched Murder, She Wrote and didn't worry about whether or not he was going to walk in and start bitching about how bad it sucks and that we should watch some movie with guns or car chases or something overly macho. I worked on my body parts, too and didn't worry about how much noise I was making or how big the mess was, since no one would care but me. It was nice. |
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| Girls kinda suck sometimes... |
[Mar. 30th, 2007|12:26 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | grr | ] |
| [ | music |
| | James Brown | ] |
No offense, ladies, but, damn. Some of you girls really do suck sometimes.
I'm talking about how many times in the past, oh, three or four years that I have confessed romantic feelings for a girl, only to find out that she's either involved, not interested or "not ready." Then there's the "I love you, I love you, I love you, get out of my face, I hate you" thing. Actually, that last one only happened once.
Honestly, I don't think that finding a girl to love me is that much to ask, especially considering what all I have been through and how much I want it. Seriously, I am writing a screenplay about my bogus trials of love. Which brings me to my latest awkward happening.
A friend and I have been working on a screenplay for well over a year now. She's giving the bad stories from the female point of view, while I bring bad stories from the male point of view. It has been working out great, actually. We have been having a lot of fun, and it's quite interesting hearing each other's stories.
Here's the problem: I have a HUGE crush on the girl I am working with. Have had one for over four years. Now, had I mentioned my feelings earlier, the recent unfortunate events may not have taken place. A few nights ago I finally got up the courage to tell her how I feel and ask her out. I found out that she is seeing someone and that it is "semi-serious." Damn it.
Needless to say I was totally buggin', but now I feel I may have even jeopardized our work. I couldn't go on any more, though, without her knowing. I had to confess.
She told me she hated to have to say that to me but that she won't feel weird. I also said I wouldn't feel weird, but I know we are both going to, at least a little bit.
Doesn't that fucking suck??!!
Whenever I confess myself to a girl, they usually say that they like me, too, but that "it's just not the right time." I can't count on both hands how many times I have heard that it's not the right time. Well, when is the right time, damn it? I need to find someone whose watch is the same as mine.
Shouldn't be that hard... It's just freaking taking, pardon my split infinitive, forever! |
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| God, I LOVE this movie!!!! |
[Feb. 20th, 2007|11:45 pm] |
This movie ROCKS. And anyone, who says otherwise just because it's Disney or to not be a wuss is a butthead.
The Princess Diaries is one of the BEST movies EVER!!!!
Love it... LOVE IT!!!
That is all. |
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| So much to ask? |
[Jan. 15th, 2007|01:21 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
I got back from my vacation this morning. I went on a road trip to California with my best bud Nick and his buddy from work Matt.
I had a really good time visiting with Susie, Kathy, Richard, Barbara and Laurie, our good friends over there. There was one thing that I hated, though. Nick and Matt both had someone to call every night to check in with. Nick's got his wife Nicki and Matt has a girl who he is sort of with. I had no one to check in with. I mean, I could call my mom or dad, but that's not the same. I want to call someone in THAT way. While laying on the aerobed one night, I came up with this list in my head of what else I want a girl for. I really don't think it is all that much to ask for. Tell me if I'm wrong.
She should be sweet.
She should be funny.
She should have a car.
She should drive it.
She should call me just to say hi.
She should come over unexpectedly.
She should go on road trips with me.
She should be honest.
She should like ghost stories and s'mores.
She should be a cuddler.
She should let me cook dinner for her.
She should take good care of her teeth.
She should help me make the bed.
She should wear my favorite outfit on special occasions.
She should like scary movies.
She should offer to drive sometimes.
She should get along with my friends and family.
She should appreciate the little notes I leave her and leave me some, too.
She should stay up all night with me just talking.
She should sing.
She should kiss me good night.
She should split a bottle of wine and watch Tales From The Crypt with me.
She should leave stuff at my house.
She should be able to name my movie quotes.
She should leave me cute voice mails.
She should tell me when something is wrong.
She should ask me how she looks.
She should hug me from behind.
She should watch the stars come out with me.
She should play Pac-Man and Donkey Kong with me.
She should have a toothbrush at my house and let me keep one at hers.
She should put her head on my shoulder.
She should talk about me when I'm not there.
She should smell nice.
She should use a napkin.
She should drive responsibly.
She should love my kitty.
She should have a cute laugh.
She should be quiet during movies.
She should sit on my lap at parties when there's no where else to sit.
She should give me a kiss on the cheek in public.
She should stand in the rain with me.
She should camp.
She should ask me to get her a blanket when she's cold, instead of getting one herself.
She should play chess with me when I'm sick.
She should not be too religious.
She should make wishes on stars and then tell me.
She should have a pet name for me.
She should be excited to see me.
She should spoon back when I roll over.
She should share a pillow with me.
She should go to hungover breakfast with me.
She should let me help clean the kitchen.
She should know who she is by now.
I know that's a long list. I really don't think it's too much, though. |
|
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| The snow is not stopping! |
[Dec. 20th, 2006|11:28 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Burl Ives, Nat King Cole and Thurl Ravenscroft | ] |
Holy fucking shit.
Those who don't live in Colorado might want to read this... Well, those who do might, too.
I didn't go to work today. No, I'm not sick. No, it wasn't car trouble. No, there wasn't a death in the family... My hometown, damn near the whole state, had a snow day. This is a big one, folks. It's been a while, too.
Me, I love snow and always have. This is just a little much, though. We're over three feet in some areas, I think. I haven't turned the radio on lately, but I went out to see for myself a little while ago. It's deep.
I ran out of cigarettes and was very thankful that there is a grocery store only a few blocks away. I geared myself up for a difficult trek. I even put plastic grocery sacks on over my socks to keep them dry.
My adventure began as I headed up my front steps into the snow. Well, it was a good thing I didn't throw away those boots that were too small, 'cause even though they were tight, I knew my Nikes weren't going to make it.
I walked out as best as I could in the over knee-high snow. As I looked out on the street and parking lot, I noticed about a dozen cars that were scattered randomly with no one inside them. You see, there are always those few people, usually newcomers to Colorado, who attempt the impossible and try to drive to work. Here's a little tip, when every school in a fifty mile radius is closed, or when the snow is higher than your car door handle, I think it's safe to say that you're not going anywhere.
It might sound goofy, but I love it when the whole city shuts down. It's weird; it's like, no one gives a shit about anything but sledding and snowball fights and warm fires and cocoa to come back inside to. Plus, I get PTO for this. Word.
It's supposed to keep snowing until noon tomorrow, so I don't see myself working for the rest of the year, seeing as I'm off next week. Damn it, there was some stuff I needed to do, but, like I said, I don't care! I just wanna go make a snowman, man! |
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| My true apparition. |
[Oct. 31st, 2006|02:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  scared | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bjork | ] |
This is long, but it's hella freaky and it really happened.
Most of you have heard me tell my tales of what I always thought were ghosts in the vacant apartment directly above mine. Well, if those have yet to disturb you, this true story is sure to do so.
For those who aren't familiar with my legends of spirits upastairs, let me fill you in briefly before continuing with the recent happenings:
I've been hearing sounds from upstairs for years. The young couple who had lived there at one time had moved out long ago. They were a nice enough couple who had always exchanged a hello with me upon crossing each other in the parking lot. The woman of the couple was always in the mood for a bit of smalltalk during our brief meetingsup. The man, however, was not always so polite. He'd say hello to me, but always with a scowl. And nothing more. I had not heard from either of them about their sudden departure from the building. The last evening of my knowing that someone was in the apartment was the night I overheard a terrible argument. Some of you have heard that a screaming match was abrubtly ended with the man shouting at his wife to 'burn in hell,' a loud door slam and a car screeching away, never to return. This was around five or six years ago. A 'For Sale' sign has been in the window ever since. Most of you can honestly vouch for that.
Since that awful night, I've heard sounds from upstairs that I used to hear when the couple were still living there. I'd hear things such as footsteps crossing the floor, bathtubs being filled and dishes being dropped on the kitchen floor. However, since their leaving, all these things were only heard in the ungodly hours of the night. Usually, they were heard around two or three in the morning, sometimes later. Sometimes, the noises would be loud enough to wake me from a deep sleep. Some of you can vouch for this as well.
With no blinds in the windows, it's obvious that the apartment was completely empty and had been ever since they had left, for whatever reason. I never took much into consideration about why the couple had left so quickly, as I knew the man was in the military, and I put their moving toward this. Yet, the sounds have never made sense. They were definitely coming from directly above, and the woman two floors up was elderly and not capable of making such noise to travel through two floors.
About a month ago, I had noticed that the sign in the window was gone and there were vehicles with Connecticutian license plates often parking in the lot. I had thought that new neighbors had finally moved in. For about a week I would hear sounds of work being done upstairs. I'd hear lots of hammering and things being pushed across the floor. Sometimes in the early mornings or late at night, I would also hear a young child crying.
One Friday afternoon after work, I had gone upstairs and knocked on the door to welcome the new neighbors to the building. I could hear them inside, so I knew they were home, but it took a very long time for them to answer the door. I knocked again. Finally, a woman hesitantly answered. She kept the door almost shut as she peeked only her head out from behind the door. Anyone who has seen the floor plan of where I live knows that this isn't exactly an easy task, with the entryway being very closed in.
"Hi," I said in a friendly voice as the woman looked almost frightened.
After a brief pause, she asked, "yes? Can I help you with something?"
Upon seeing her face, I recognized her right away. It was Christine, the woman who used to live there years prior. "My name is Joel, I live downstairs. I just wanted to introduce myself and welcome you to the building."
"Oh, thanks," she said back.
"You look awfully familiar," I said. Directly after my saying this, she pulled her head a little bit more behind the door.
"Oh, yeah," she said. "Uhm, I used to live here awhile ago." Just then I saw a little boy about two years old pop his head out from behind the door. "Oh, um, I hope my kids haven't been too loud for you."
"No," I said. "I've heard them a few times, but they haven't really bothered me." I laughed, waved to the boy and said 'hi' in a friendly voice. Shy, he disappeared quickly back behind the door. "Well, I just wanted to say hi, and let you know that if you need anything, I'm right downstairs."
"Thank you," she said with a straight face. "That's nice of you."
Drawing a blank, I asked, "would you tell me your name again?"
"Christine," she said.
"Christine! That's it. I couldn't remember."
She thanked me again, and I went back downstairs. I haven't seen them at all since that day, but I've heard a lot of noise from up there. Lots of banging, children running, loud, repetitive thumps. I took all of this as being nothing more than moving in and performing a few minor repairs as any house would need after not being taken care of for a few years.
The kids usually start running around at about seven in the morning and stop around eight at night. Once every few nights, I will also hear one crying, either early in the morning or late at night. Usually, it's not just a normal cry, either. It's often a painful, neglected cry. One that might come from a child whose mother had forgotten about it for a long period of time. I usually just put the pillow over my face and try to ignore it.
One thing I wish that I had asked her the day I went up there was how long they were going to stay or if it was going to be permanent. You see, everytime I glanced into the window while walking to the building, I never saw anything inside. No pictures on the wall, no blinds in the window, not even a trace of furniture. This made me very curious, but I continued to tell myself that it was only temporarily that they'd be staying there and they weren't planning on moving anything in.
They've been there for a month now, however.
Last night, I woke up out of the blue at around three o'clock. It's not normal for me to just wake up for no reason, but something last night had told me to get out of bed. I walked to my kitchen and looked out for a few minutes. I was not looking for anything in particular, I just had this urge to peer for awhile. I looked at my car. I looked at the moon. I looked at the hotel sign on the other side of the highway. Then, for some reason, I don't know why, but I noticed that the Connecticutian vehicles were not there. I remember this distinctly, because it was at that exact
moment that I heard footsteps upstairs. They walked from the bedroom to the kitchen to the dining room and then back around again. They did this over and over like they were looking out every window repeatedly. It took me a few minutes to realize that it was odd for there to be noise coming from upstairs when neither of their cars were in the parking lot.
I walked over to my sliding glass door, just to take a gander at the calmness of the night, when I heard a baby start to cry as if it were in severe pain. It was coming from the upstairs bedroom and did not stop. It went on and on. Even as I laid back in bed and tried to go to sleep, I heard it continue. I started to deal with the cry, as I tried to go back to sleep. Then the crying stopped immediately, like it had never even been there. It was bizarre, but in my half-asleep state, I didn't think anything of it.
This morning I saw Donna, my neighbor from up and over. I greeted her politely. She returned the greeting with a smile. Then, as if something had possesed me, I asked her, "have you talked to the people who just moved back in?"
She gave me a look of confusion and asked, "what people?"
"The ones right above me," I said. "Right next door to you. You talked to them?"
"Oh, is someone in there now? I didn't know there was," she said as she adjusted her coat collar.
"Yeah, they moved back about a--" I stopped. I looked up at the window and noticed that the same 'For Sale' sign that had been there before was there again. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak. I was in a state of utter shock.
Donna looked at me funny. "About a what?"
"Umm, nevermind," I said. Then I drove to work, the whole time wondering how it was that the next door neighbors could not have known someone had moved in. And wondering where the cars were. And why that sign had been put back up so fast. Could it have been a ghost I spoke with from behind the upstairs door? Why did she seem like she didn't want me to see inside or even see her? Why had I not seen her husband? Why had I not seen her outdoors in all the time she'd been back? What was the deal with the crying and the thumping? Is it a coincedence that all this has happened on All Hollow's Eve?
I'm almost afraid to go home tonight. What am I going to hear? Even worse... what am I going to see? |
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| Beef: It's what's rotting in your colon. |
[Oct. 13th, 2006|03:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Craft Soundtrack | ] |
Okay, so I'm dressing as Dr. Frank N Furter for Halloween this year. I've been trying to practice walking in these freaking shoes. Man, oh, man. Six-inch platform/pump/heels/whatever you call 'em are NO PICNIC. They're not like stilettos or anything; they've got a pretty thick heel, but they still suck. These have got to be the most uncomfortable thing on earth. An iron mask or a ball and chain would be more comfortable.
Now, that you all know that I do NOT enjoy wearing these things, let me say that each night this week, I've walked around the house for a little bit, trying to get used to these things. Another thing that sucks for shoes like this is thick carpeting. Talk about not having any balance. So, I use the kitchen floor as much as I can. See, I have to get my walk down before I actually wear this thing out. I can't have the whole costume and look awesome while standing in one spot. I need to have that walk. It's hard. Tim Curry is now a god in my eyes.
Let's see what else?... Oh. I'm sick of going to work, just to try to not get fired. Seriously, I've always thought I've had pretty good job security here at [my office], seeing as I'm the only one who knows how to fix stuff around the office, or call the proper person to fix what I can't. Not only that, but there are tons of things in the office that I'm the only person who knows how to do or deal with or whatever. I bust my ass, I'm good with clients, and potential clientel, I always get everything done on time, I do quality work and I do it quickly, yadda yadda. Yet, because I have a tendency to be late once or twice a week (even if I call in for something out of my control!) I get a firm talking to about showing up on time and improving my work.
Honestly? My work does not need to be improved, and if I get fired for getting a ten minute late start a few days a week, I'm going to be really pissed. I really do bust my ass here. And when there's nothing to be done, I find something. I've limited my internet use to lunch only, like I've been asked. EVERYTHING always gets done on time. There's no need for a firing here. But why do I have this feeling like I'm always trying NOT to get fired.
For those who didn't hear, a friend of mine from high school was killed in a car accident a few weeks ago. Really sucks. She was only my age; 25. She hadn't been drinking or anything, she just went through some confusing construction and got on the highway going the wrong way. She was hit head-on. She stayed alive in the hospital all night, but died early the next morning. Andrea had a very nice funeral. I went last Saturday evening.
Briefly before the service, I saw lots and lots of pals from high school. Some of whom I hadn't seen since then about eight years ago. Most of them looked the same. Some of them had much less acne. Some of the got fat. Some of them got skinny. But one of them is the most memorable. It was a guy whom I had major, MAJOR beef with in high school. Seriously, I think we wanted to kill each other.
We'd give each other the dirtiest of looks when passing in the hallway. From time to time we'd hear something that the other said about us behind our back. Name calling under our breath would occasionally happen from across the classroom. Neither one of us ever did anything to each other, though. Thinking about it recently, I keep asking myself, "why did we hate each other, so?" I thought, and thought, and thought about it. I came up with bupkis.
I remember that we had the same baseball cap. It was blue with a "NIRVANA" logo on the front in yellow writing. You would have thought that would have made us friends, wouldn't you? Nonetheless, it didn't. He had called me a "poser" in passing in the hallway. Then again. Then again.
I never understood why it was that I was the poser and not him. Besides, he was the one who wore this green fuzzy cardigan exactly like the one Kurt Cobain wore for Unplugged. Wouldn't that make him a poser as well? So, one day, as I passed from one class to the next and heard "poser" from across the hall, I finally got up the guts to stop, turn to him and say, "shut the fuck up."
This obviously took him by surprise, as he stopped as well with a look of shock, and could come up with nothing more to say back other than, "shut up." I think this is where the major beef started. The minor beef, I'm not sure. Maybe he just wanted someone to pick on, and I was the chosen one.
Anyway, we pretty much just avoided each other after that. Well, except for in biology class Senior year (the same one where I was lab partners with Andrea.) There was an incedent with an adam's apple comment. Dirtly looks were exchanged afterwards, but not much else.
So, after the funeral, I'm walking out with my friend, Chanda and we see Jereod standing there near the entryway. Chanda started to talk to him a bit, but then I could see in her body language what she just remembered... that he and I can't stand each other. She moved on politely, and his eye contact moved from hers to mine. He looked exactly the same, just no Nirvana cap.
"Hey, man," I said as I extended my hand to shake his.
"Hey," he said with a half smile as he grabbed my hand.
"Hey, I know we had some beef in high school, but..." I didn't get a chance to say anything else before he stopped me.
"Yeah, I know. It's cool. I never knew why. I always just said, 'that's just Joel. He's cool.'" Then he laughed.
I was a bit confused by what he meant, but I laughed back and smiled. "Good to see ya," I said.
"You, too."
As I walked outside with Chanda, she turned back to me with a look of utter embarrassment and said in an exlaimed whisper, "sorry!" Then she laughed a little.
I knew what she meant. She was talking about saying hi to Jereod, but I still asked, "for what?" She kind of motioned back toward the door and opened her eyes real big trying to subtly acknowledge Jereod and her stopping to say hello. I knew what she meant. "Don't even worry about it. I even said 'what's up' to him."
For a second she looked surprised. "You did? Ohh, that was nice of you."
We stood out front of where the service was for a long time. There were lots of people to see, say hi to, hug and cry with. From time to time, I noticed Jereod standing there not talking to anyone. When the crowd thinned out a bit, I moved over to where my pals Joe and Nate were. Jereod was there also. We all had a little conversation about what we've been doing since high school, where we've gone, who we've dated or married. All that good stuff. People came and went from our little circle of conversation for about twenty minutes. Soon, we were the last four out there. Eventually, Joe and Nate went inside to get some lemonade, leaving Jereod and I out there alone. It wasn't as awkward as you would think. We actually stood there talking for a good hour or more just bullshitting. I finally asked something about where the hell Joe and Nate went. We went inside to look for them and see if there was any lemonade left. Lemonade, there was. Joe and Nate, there wasn't.
There were only three or four ladies inside, cleaning up the cakes and cookies and whatnot.
"I guess they snuck out the side," I said.
We both went back out front and continued our conversation. He said something about wanting to go to the bar where a few of our buds said they were headed. He had mentioned that he didn't have a car, though, so he was planning to walk. I told him I would be happy to give him a ride if he didn't mind waiting while I cleaned out the passenger seat. He said not to worry, because he enjoyed walking.
In the very dark parking lot, we exchanged phone numbers and agreed it would be a good idea to grab a beer sometime. I also told him that I'd look for him on myspace, which was also a conversation topic earlier.
As I got into my car and pulled out of the parking lot, I thought more and more about what he said at first, and what Chanda had said.
"That's just Joel. He's cool."
"That was nice of you."
There were several other comments here and there that made me think... wait a second. Did I start the beef?? Was I the reason we didn't get along? I thought and thought, but never came up with a beginning to our tiff. All I remember is that we had the same hat. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe it was his. Maybe all this time I was thinking he just hated me and wanted to make my high school life miserable, he was thinking the same thing about me. Did I make his life hell??? If I did, wow. I never knew.
I guess we'll talk about that when we grab a beer, if we ever do. |
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| Sick ass strawberry soda. |
[Sep. 14th, 2006|04:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Stevie Nicks | ] |
As most of you know, I am quite fond of strawberry soda.
I've even been known to stock up on it when I leave the state, as Colorado does not have the best selection. I find the northern states to have some of the best. I'll even hang on to it for months and save it for a special occasion.
Anyway, while I'm in state and not stocked up on it, I'll tend to go for Big K, since I find it the tastiest. I'll get Welch's if Big K is not available.
Today, however, my office building had their annual tenant appreciation party. It lacked from last year's. In 2005, there was a live steel drum band, much more food, and a chocolate fountain. This year they had a lame deejay and fruit cocktail out of a can.
To drink? Bottled water, diet cola and strawberry soda. "Awesome," I said to myself, as I spotted the soda coming off what they called a buffet line, and what I called two big bowls of fruit and potato salad. It was a brand I had never tried before. It was Tropicana Twister. I scooped up the cold drink from the ice, and headed to the table where a lot of my co-workers were.
Upon my arrival, I started to chow on what appeared to be fruit salad. It was very waxy, and after only a few bites, I discovered I needed a swig of something to help wash it down. I cracked open my strawberry soda, while still chewing. I took a gigantic gulp, hoping for the bliss I find in a can of Big K, or even Welch's. What I found was something else.
Let me describe to you what I thought it tasted like. Have you ever had those flavored honey sticks? Of course you have. Sure, they're great in small amounts, but try taking a huge drink of it. Okay, so imagine strawberry flavored honey sticks with a hint of (an overly flavorful) strawberry Jolly Rancher, add a few cups of sugar and carbonation. Okay, so it doesn't sound that bad, but believe me, it was.
Yes, I'm telling this story... me, the guy who was just talking about how similar Coke and Pepsi are... I know, I know.
Sadly, there is no end to this story. If I were telling it to you in person, however, this is where I would take a bow.
Have a nice day, and stay away from Strawberry Tropicana Twister in a can. |
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| I hate this... |
[Jul. 31st, 2006|10:39 am] |
I'm in the dooms of reception this morning. Ugh. This just happened. Most of it is accurate... I only made up some.
ME: "Thank you for calling [our company name]."
SOME DUDE: "Hallo. This is [so-and-so]."
(Long pause.)
ME: "Umm. Okay, how can I help you?"
SD: "You yust call me!"
(Inner sigh.)
ME: "Sir? It wasn't me. It was someone in our office."
(Long pause.)
SD: "Hallo?"
ME: "Yes!"
SD: "Yes, so, somebody call me."
ME: "Apparently so."
SD: "Let me speak to."
(Long pause.)
ME: "Sir?"
SD: "Yes, let me speak to."
(Another long pause.)
ME: "Who?!"
SD: "Somebody who call me."
ME: "Okay, do you know who it was?"
(Long pause.)
ME: "Sir?"
SD: "Hallo?"
ME: "Yes, do you know who it was?"
SD: "Who?"
(Forehead smack.)
ME: "The person that called you."
SD: "Someone in the office dere, yes?"
ME: "Yes, well that narrows it down to 35."
SD: "Yes. Yes."
ME: "So, you don't know who called you, huh?"
SD: "Yes, let me speak to."
ME: "I don't know who it was, sir. Do you know?"
SD: "I pickle."
(Long pause.)
SD: "You know?"
ME: "I'm sorry?"
SD: "I pickle they."
ME: "Sir, I can't help you."
SD: "Hallo?"
ME: "I'm not sure who called you. You're not sure who called you. There's nothing we can do for each other. And just for the record, 'let me speak to' is not a complete statement."
SD: "Ohhhhh. Is this uhhhhhhhh... uhhhhhhh... a lawyer?"
ME: "No, sir."
SD: "Ohhhhh. Okay, tank you." |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 25th, 2006|11:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | meh | ] |
| [ | music |
| | We Are All On Drugs ~ Weezer | ] |
List ten things you want to say to 10 people.
1. Don't say who the people are.
2. Feel free to comment, but I'm not confirming or answering anything here.
3. Tag 5 people to do the same.
1. I'm glad you guys can talk and laugh again.
2. We need to hang out more.
3. You're the coolest person I've ever met on the internet.
4. A million thanks are not enough.
5. I started a personal journal because of you.
6. Please stop calling me.
7. I can't believe you fucking did it again.
8. Tell me more.
9. Instead of complaining, do something about it.
10. I care about you more than you think; be careful.
I TAG:
megan
colin
dani
joelle
michele |
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| Info et cetera. |
[Jul. 19th, 2006|11:29 am] |
So, since everybody and their mom needs directions, I'm sending them out via bulletin! Here are some other bits of info, too.
~J
Come one, come all!
Wtf: Birthday party for me.
Where:My house, yo. (Directions below.)
When: This Saturday night, the 22nd. Sevenish to whenever.
RSVPs are nice but not required.
Please BYOB.
I'm poor right now and I can't be buying booze for a thousand people.
If you're lucky, there might be some Cheetos or something. If you wanna bring snacky stuff, you are totally welcome to.
I'm going to try to keep people off of the back patio, as noise for neighbors has been a problem in the past.THIS WILL BE A SMOKING PARTY, BUT...
Smoking will only be allowed in the bathroom, bedroom and laundry room.
The dining room, kitchen and living room will be non-smoking.
Directions:
Whether you're coming from the NORTH (Loveland, FoCo, Thornton) or the SOUTH (Castle Rock, Colorado Springs) you'll be taking the same exit off of I-25. So, you Northern people go SOUTH, and you southern people go NORTH. It's that easy.
Take I-25 to the I-225 exit. This is on the SOUTH side of Aurora and pretty much everything. So, if you're coming from up north, you'll probably think you passed it. You didn't. I believe the exit number is 200, if that helps.
You can only take I-225 NORTH from there, so do it. Take 225 NORTH to PARKER ROAD (the first exit after you merge). When you get to the PARKER ROAD offramp, take a LEFT, but be in the RIGHT LEFT lane, because you'll be taking an immediate RIGHT after you turn. Does that make sense? After you turn LEFT onto PARKER ROAD and get into the right lane, follow the blue directions.
Coming from the NORTHWEST (Denver, Boulder)
Take I-70 up to the I-225 exit. The signs will tell you how close you are. They're good about that. So take I-225 SOUTH, 'cause that's the only way you can go. Pass Colfax, 6th Ave, Alameda, Mississippi and Iliff. Exit on PARKER ROAD. Go RIGHT at the end of the offramp. After you turn, follow the blue directions.
Coming from the SOUTHWEST (Englewood, Littleton)
Take 285/Hampden EAST. (You can take I-25, to 225 instead [see NORTH/SOUTH directions] but this works, too.) Go, go, go until it curves NORTH and turns into HAVANA. There's some construction up that way, so be careful. You're going to turn RIGHT on DARTMOUTH, but there are a ton of road cones there, the last time I went that way. You can still turn, you just gotta watch close. Take DARTMOUTH up past PARKER ROAD and PEORIA. It turns into CORNELL AVE, which is my street. Then follow the red directions.
Coming from the EAST.
Wait.
No one ever comes from the east.
After turning off of I-225 and getting on PARKER ROAD, make sure you are in the RIGHT LANE!! You're going to turn RIGHT at the very first light, which is pretty quick! So take a RIGHT onto PEORIA, the first light. Take PEORIA up to CORNELL AVE, which is the second light. Take another RIGHT onto CORNELL AVE, which is my street, then follow the red directions.
Take CORNELL AVE EAST past the bank and day care center. It curves just a little bit. You will very soon see a sign on the RIGHT SIDE that says "Spinnaker Run Condominiums." When you see the SECOND sign that says that, turn RIGHT into the parking lot just AFTER it. You will know it's right, because you will see the Radisson Hotel over the highway wall. That will make total sense when you see it. Please park in VISITOR PARKING. The signs indicate. My building is the closest to the street. Building number 12512. My place is number 103, down and to the left. See you there! |
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| What it is, yo? |
[Jul. 18th, 2006|10:38 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hehehehehehehehehehehe | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Aerosmith ~ A Little South Of Sanity | ] |
Does anybody even fucking read this thing anymore??
Who reads my livejournal? Raise your hand.
Myspace is killing livejournal. Is that good or bad?
Who cares? I've never been happier in my entire fucking life than I have been in the past month and nine days. Cherry is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I don't care if people say it's too early to say that, either. Know why? 'Cause she told me the same thing. And you know what else? On Saturday night she told me she loves me. I returned the verbal gesture with a smile, of course. She said it just came out. She's been wanting to say it over and over, but has been stopping herself, 'cause she thought it was a little early or whatever. Funny, though, 'cause I felt the same way. I've never wanted to tell someone that I love them so bad in my life. It's almost just popped out a few times, which has never happened to me. I've always stopped it, though, thinking to myself, "no! It's too early. You're gonna scare her off."
I think most of who read this know... I've never been in love. I've come close a few times, but only on the giving end. Meaning I've almost fallen for girls, only to realize that they aren't interested half the time. Hell, more than half, actually. So, yeah, I don't know what love is. I really don't. Don't know what it feels like. I mean, you can't even really describe it, even though a lot of recording artists think they can. You can't just go to the encyclopedia and look up 'love' and get an explanation of what will happen to your body when you fall in love. You don't know until it happens to your own person. You. You're the only one who can know. I'm waiting to see what else is gonna happen. Will there be more to what I'm feeling now? Am I even in love yet??? Who knows? Nobody but me.
It feels like there is sugar flowing through my veins. And everywhere I look there are these freaking little hearts floating around. They're everywhere! It makes it difficult to drive with all these hearts flying around, especially at night, man.
I'll tell you what, though, I've been wanting to not only fall in love but to be loved for a long, long time, and I can't think of anyone I would rather love or be loved by than Cherry. People keep telling us both that we're made for each other. Everyone keeps telling us that, actually. I see her every day, and I even find it difficult to fall asleep when she's not in the bed with me, which has only been one night in the past month or so. I can't seem to stop myself from going to see her. Or call her. Or text her. Or whatever. What do you think? Love?
Let's hope. |
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| Bored? Read me. |
[Jul. 11th, 2006|11:51 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  muy bueno | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fleetwood Mac ~ The Dance | ] |
(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)
| ✓ I miss somebody right now. (She got the way to be moving me.) |
✓ I don't watch much TV these days. (TV is gay.) |
✓ I own lots of books. (Word.) |
| ✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses. (Ooh, wee, ooh, I look just like Buddy Holly.) |
× I love to play video games. (Only Night Warriors and some occasional SNES.) |
✓ I've tried marijuana. (High school is a purple haze.) |
| ✓ I've watched porn movies. (Duh. I'm a guy.) |
× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. (No, but I've had more than my share.) |
✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy. (Always the best.) |
| ✓ I curse sometimes. (Fuckin' A.) |
✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. (With a good friend passing away and now a new relationship, I'd say hell yes.) |
× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. (No. I'm not violent.) |
( it goes on... ) |
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| Sofa king happy. |
[Jul. 7th, 2006|01:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  wicked good mood. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cowboy Mouth ~ Laughable | ] |
I have the coolest friends ever.
I have friends who do things like...
Randomly send me a FedEx full of Lik-A-Stix just because they know I like them.
Give me giraffes just because.
Feed me breakfast if I crash at their place.
Get a tattoo that resembles me and our friendship.
Tie-dye me a shirt for no reason.
Dedicate a myspace group to the parties I throw.
Burn me a CD of songs that remind them of me.
Come to EVERY band performance we've had.
Buy me strawberry soda, just because they know it's my favorite.
Take me to baseball games for the hell of it.
Bum me cigarettes.
Fix my screen door after a drunken idiot messes it up.
Close the lid on my toilet before they flush.
Help me clean up the morning after a party.
Give me a Ziplock bag full of spare change for no reason.
Let me keep a toothbrush at their house.
Loan me pajamas.
Make me a birthday cake.
Okay, this was cheesy, but you gotta tell your friends that you love 'em, or else they won't know, right?
So...
Love you guys. |
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joelsephiryn's journal
melancholy